Koo koo kachoo Little miss is 2!

 Little miss has changed so much but one thing has stayed true she likes to boss people around!  I love this rotten girl with my whole heart.  Little miss was God's answer to our hurting hearts after suffering a loss and then getting pregnant when we least expected it.  We have a tradition G man and I started about the Birthday Fairy.  I keep saying him and I will write a book about her one day and we will.  The birthday fairy comes and leaves balloons, confetti, and a couple cheap toys (dollar tree) for us in our bedroom floors for us to wake up to.  This is the first time the Birthday Fairy has visited Little Miss.  She got a fun Minnie Mouse puzzle and some lovely necklaces.

 For her 2nd birthday we went with a Beatles theme and I love how it came out!  I had so much fun planning and pinning all kinds of fun Beatles ideas.  We had a yummy Beatles themed lunch spread with help from my mom!

I am the "deviled" egg man and Here comes the sun "chips"

You say it's your birthday... cake!

Sgt. Dr. Pepper and for the benefit of Mr. Sprite!

Let it B-L-Ts and Yellow submarine sandwiches.

My little loves at the party!!  G man who is currently obsessed with Doctor Who is wearing a whovian inspired Beatles shirt and Little miss is driving around in her groovy VW Bug that our friend gave us!

The amazing Jessica at Two Sticks Photography took Little Miss' 2 year pictures and I love love love how they came out!!

At the party we had Check Photography capturing so many fun memories!

Fun with cousins!!

We also had a groovy photo booth set up!!

Kissing Daddy!

This is such a fun shot!!!!

We had some tears and some very 2 year old attitude but all in all we had a blast!!

Thank you to everyone who helped make this special girl feel loved on her special day!!

Tabitha and the sappy, emotional, no good day....

Last night around 11pm I hear Little miss coughing and breathing real hard... I wait for a minute to see if she can clear it on her own and when she continues coughing and began to cry I went to get her.  We stayed on the couch til nearly 2:30am I had to adjust her every time she coughed so that she could regain her breath!  She wheezed and coughed all night!  I finally decided to drag out the nebulizer only to realize we have no medication for it that are in date!  I cried all night listening to her breathe.  (I may have missed out on some shut eye but Little miss slept through the whole thing!  She woke up maybe twice crying but that was it.  I moved her around, made sure her head was elevated, even did the percussion on her back, and she didn't wake up.)

All morning I was pretty emotional.  I kept thinking of Little miss on the oxygen helmet at the hospital and seeing her little body struggle and fight for every breath.  I thought about how many times we have used her little penguin nebulizer.  I cried because we can't use the little pacifier attachment on the nebulizer anymore because she is too big for a pacifier now.  She will be 2 in 10 days!  Where did the time go!  It seemed as if G man was my baby for a long time and she is just growing up quick.

Her picture for her 2nd birthday invitation!

Well I had it all together by lunch time.  Cory was coming home early due to a dentist trip and I couldn't wait to just sit and laugh as a family together.  I watched a video on youtube that made me cry for about an hour over how lucky I am to have a father that loves me and was able to walk me down the isle!  Then the phone rang and zapped me back into reality and it was the boutique calling to say her birthday shirt was ready!!  Cried some more!  G man didn't talk to me for awhile because he didn't know what to say and the idea that someone would cry because someone else s' body is growing was beyond him.  I finally pulled myself together and went to pick up the shirt.  It is so perfect!  I can't wait to celebrate with this crazy little girl!

Spoiler...her birthday shirt says "Koo Koo Ka-choo Lennon is 2."

What is the reason everything happens for??

In light of some horrible tragedies that have been in the news lately I started hearing, "everything happens for a reason."  This was being said as a way to comfort those morning.  I then started thinking about the just God that I serve and decided to do some investigating.  Is this term biblical?

Lets go back to what first got me thinking this way.  As some of you know I work for a religious organization (group home for children and for single mothers and their children.) where my family and I reside at.  We go through a lot of training throughout the year so that we can better help the families we work with. During one of these training sessions I heard the speaker say that he doesn't believe in that 'everything happens for a reason mumbo.' I had never heard that before, that someone didn't believe it.  Everything happens for a reason had become one of those things that we say and we aren't sure why or what it means.  Like Don't throw the baby out with the bath water I mean really has this happened?!?!  (I did actually search the meaning behind this turn of phrase when I was in college but still REALLY?!?!) So is it biblical?

It seems as though the verse that some are relying on to support this is Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.  (This is the ESV translation so yours may look a little different.) I read the verses surrounding this verse(Romans 8:18-30) and decided that the first thing we must look at is who these verses are speaking to. Well right there in the beginning of verse 28 we see it "FOR THOSE WHO LOVE GOD.  I am a lover of God, I desire to be closer to him, I await my homecoming into Glory, my soul longs to praise Him, my mouth has confessed His love for me.  So the verse it speaking to me and hopefully you as well.  So for the previous verses we are talking about future glory and how the current sufferings are nothing compared to the glory and splendor of Heaven.  Okay, so if we look back at this one verse in Romans and we know that we are talking about future glory and we are talking to believers in Christ Jesus; then we see that all things work together for good according to His purpose.  The struggles that I go through, that I come out of with a stronger belief and understanding of God, is an example of God working all things together for good.  Lets take a piece of my life (hey this blog is about me after all LOL)  that was a tragedy.  My 4th pregnancy that resulted in a second trimester miscarriage and I had to go into full labor and deliver.  I had no idea how strong I had to be because I had never gone through this before.  I didn't expect to be shown love in the way I was by my doctor.  I couldn't be comforted by earthly words or love but by His messages and prayers I found peace in my grief.  I didn't know my marriage was strong enough to stand with grief and brokenness.  All of the horrible empty feelings God turned around and strengthened me.  BUT to say that God made me miscarry and planned this horrible loss and pain for his loved creation is crazy.  The God I know and love is a God of LOVE.  Evil and sin entered this world through man and God comes up and shows us His love and mercy through brokenness and sorrow.  

So I say no, this statement is not biblical.  Although God works through the evil and brings forth blessings to those who know Him, He did not will the evil upon us.  So God did not take my son away before he was able to live outside of my womb just so I would lean upon Him more or learn about real love.  My son died because of a sickness in my body brought into the world by sin.  Through that pain I have learned more about love then I knew before.  


Another verse is James 1:2-3 Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.
(NLT)  I believe this verse also helps me prove my point that in our trials we can grow and become more then what we were but God is not the author of evil.


So the end of Romans 8 is AMAZING and I think we should end with that.

³¹ What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? ³² He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? ³³ Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. ³⁴ Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. ³⁵ Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? ³⁶ As it is written,

“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
    we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”

³⁷ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers,³⁹ nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Wow!!  Who can be against us!  Not death, life, angels, rulers, the present, the future, power, height, depth, or ANYTHING else will separate God's love for me!  

Some other interesting blogs on this topic click here and here.

Thanks for reading hope you enjoyed!!

Be my "dye free" Valentine?!?!

As you may know G man has an intolerance to red dye.  It makes him act as if he has ADHD and he becomes very uncontrollable and is easily agitated.   We found this out last spring after talking with a friend and then consulting our Pediatrician. G man cannot have foods or drinks that are dyed artificially (easy enough to check in the ingredients) which includes red, pink, orange, and purple.  I say all that so that you understand my fear and nervousness for the upcoming holiday... Valentine's Day.  All the goodies that are given during this time are red, pink, and purple.  Halloween didn't bring me this much anxiety because we could clear out his treat bucket of the dyed candy and he still had quite a bit of chocolate and other candy that he could eat.

So what am I doing to prepare for this??  I have made up about 6 bags of dye free treats (rice krispies, real fruit roll ups, honey grahms  and granola bars.) to carry with us to church and other fun gatherings so that he has an alternative.  I have also asked our homeschool group not to put red dyed candy in his Valentine bucket at our party. Even though I requested this not to happen it would be unreasonable to expect others to watch out for him as much as I do. I will also make him up an "alternate" bag with suckers that are blue and orange to trade out any of the cute valentines with red candy attached to it.

Although I am nervous about this red dyed holiday I am not nervous about how G man will handle it.  During Halloween G man was very understanding.  When he was given a piece of candy he knew he couldn't have he didn't gripe or complain, he said, thank you and moved on.  When we got home and his dad and I took all the dyed candy out G man was still so excited about what he had left!  We had one mishap when a lady held out a large bucket for the kids to chose from and G man dug through it for longer then he probably should have looking for a piece of candy that he knew he could eat.  The woman accused him of being ungrateful and greedy.  Momma bear quickly jumped in and explained that he was not able to eat red dyed foods.  The woman was still grumpy about the situation so we left.  When G man asked why he couldn't have the candy I explained that sometimes the right thing to do is to just walk away.  I think the reason why he is so good about not eating the things with red in them is that he hates the affect red dye has on him as much as we do.  He is in trouble and spends most of his time in time out not playing!

While I know red dye intolerance is an inconvenience and not a life threatening allergy I also know that I want to enjoy my son and the time we have together and not spend that time with him mad and in trouble.  Below are some awesome alternatives (except for 10 and 15) to red dyed treats that I got from http://www.thedatingdivas.com/holidays/valentines-day/valentines-day-round-up-food/ and plan on making some of it.

Super Hero Cubbies

Super Hero room transformation stage 1
G-man wanted some cool cubbies to hold up his Superhero dress up stuff so that each hero had it's own cubbie.  Well after doing some research my budget just wasn't going to be able to meet his desire.  Not only were they high in price most cubbie units came in a set with 4 cubbies.  Well he has WAY more than 4 super  hero suits plus his other dress up!! (Train conductor, Captain Hook, construction, etc.)  After getting with my Mom... which is what I do after I talk to Cory I immediately go to my mom!!  She had a suggestion of using milk crates.  I will admit at first I thought, "Uhhh NO!  That will look so tacky!!" Then I did it and Oh My Goodness it is AMAZING!!!  We got all of his dress up in the cubbies, I was able to put them at a height that we wanted, I didn't  have to but any hardware because his capes could all just Velcro around the handles of the crates!!  We could also if needed to put more then one super hero per cubbie and still be able to see/have enough room for each!  G-man is one happy boy!!

Super Hero room transformation stage 1= success!!

Fear of a what if...

If you are unaware of our past pregnancy journeys feel free to click here and catch up.  This post is God's answer to that one!

I have been very adamant that after five pregnancies and only 2 children I was not going to become pregnant again.  I don't think I could handle a loss again.  We knew that God wanted us to adopt a child before we had G man four years ago.  We have been praying and impatiently waiting for God's timing to be right and this adoption to take place.  (I have been more impatient as of late then Cory has been.) It seems that lately my facebook is filled with pregnancy announcements, adoption announcements, and baby showers or newborn pictures.  I love seeing others announcements of life but it is making me very impatient!!  Okay so lets get back on topic!!!  The topic being that I have made it a point that I will not become pregnant again because I fear the what if of a loss of that pregnancy.   

I attended my second Women of Faith event earlier this month and you know that feeling you get during a sermon that God is speaking (or yelling) to only you, well yeah the entire event I knew God was talking to me.  I didn't really know what he wanted besides for me to pay attention until Angie Smith spoke.  She spoke about living her entire life with intense fear and how God helped her through this time.  I don't deal with intense fear in my daily life so why did her story touch me?  She spoke about her daughter and how her family was able to love on this beautiful baby for less then one day before she was gone.  This broke me!  It made me mad that I won't get to see my babies again until glory and that she won't get to see her child again until glory either.  Then she asked if everyone in the arena who have suffered the loss of a child of any kind (death, miscarriage, still born, death of an adult child) to stand.  When I stood up and saw all the other broken hearted women around me it crushed me and there standing in an arena with many others I bawled. I realized that it wasn't anger anymore that I felt but fear.  I have said for so long that there would be no more pregnancies for me because I was fearful of the what if.  What if the next pregnancy ends too soon, what if the next pregnancy ends like Russ and I have to deliver a beautiful lifeless child, or what if I have a beautiful baby for less then a day???  The what if had won in my life.  Because of the fear I put on my life I was ready to take God out of it and just say no!  Angie Smith ended her session with this (I don't remember verbatim) don't live in a fear or an affliction that God hasn't put on you.  I have poly cystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) and it can leave me infertile.  My God is bigger then infertility and bigger then PCOS.  He has proven that over and over again in my life alone.  Why have I let the what if take over when I know God is bigger then the what if?  I am ready to let go of the what if.  Stop right there Momma (yes I mean you mom!!!)  I am not going to get pregnant immediately!!  Let me repeat that because I know she needs to hear it again ;) Momma I am not going to get pregnant right away!!!   I am just saying that whether our family is suppose to grow by adoption only, pregnancy only, or both I am open to the Lord's timing and will for it to happen. :)


And now just because I love them so much here are some more pictures of my precious kiddos!!

There is always someone better...

I am not writing this post to hurt any feelings but I know from my experiences, my friends, and my family that this is something we deal with, this feeling of having to live up to someone else.  My prayer is that this is helpful to you and not hurtful.

I follow many blogs of other home school families, crafters, and work at home mommies.  These are all relevant to me.  There are days that I look at what others are doing and I get down on myself.  I keep thinking that there is so much more that I could be doing and I am hurting my kids by not doing these things.  Or my house would look so much better if I made time to do these crafts and/or buy these decorations.  It is true that if you look you will find someone better then you, even if you're the best.  I do find comfort in the fact that I post my best to facebook, I pin my best on pinterest, and I blog my best on here.  We don't put our mistakes out there for the world to see.  So the people I follow on different blogs I know that they put their best out there too.  I also know that they make mistakes and don't post about them. ;)

Keeping up with other mommy friends is also a way to beat yourself up!  I have some amazing people in my life and they are all different.  That is important because we cannot live up to our friends, they have different kids, different jobs, different situations, and are just different from us!!!!!!!  I have a beautiful sweet friend who is a home school mommy of four who I admire and strive to be like.  She shows Christlike behaviors and so do her kids, she home schools all her kids, and is just plain fun to be around!  I struggle some times to get through our schedule some days with just my two sweet kiddos!  It is easy to get down on the fact that there are others successfully schooling their larger families, they are keeping their homes cleaner, or their kids are better behaved.  Well the fact is that we are different!  The way I school is different, I may or may not be able to clean during the day, and my kids are different!  It is my hope that I enjoy friendships and resists my "womanly instincts" to compare!

What society says I should do as a mother.  Well first of all it seems taboo to home school.  If you would have asked me a couple of years ago I would have told you that my children would be in the public schools and I would be teaching but they wouldn't be in my class.  I was convinced I would retire in the classroom and never miss a year of teaching!  God eats "plans" for breakfast!!!  I was given the opportunity to work for an amazing ministry which allows me to work at home and have the opportunity to home school my kids.  Honestly at first we started home schooling out of convenience and then after attending our states home school convention we were convicted to continue!  Homeschooling is a conviction my husband and I share and we would love to talk to you about it but we don't look down on anyone for their choice of education as we hope you do the same. (If you are considering homeschooling please check this out!) I don't wish to push my convictions onto you as they came from God for me, He will convict you of some other things that He won't convict me of.  I can't live up to societies standards of what a mother should be because it wouldn't benefit our family.

All of this is wonderful and I know it all to be true, but I still struggle with these things.  I struggle with jealousy of others and trying to keep up with others.  I know that I have to do what is best for my family, my schedule, my personality, and my convictions.  We can run ourselves ragged trying to be someone else or we can enjoy the short time we have with our family.  I know that time is better spent being me and making memories!