This one is hard on me...

Day 14: Remember that being a mother is a gift

I can testify to the truth of this statement! In my youth I became pregnant and suffered a loss that I am still to this day not done dealing with.  I don't know if it has more to do with the fact that I hated myself for the choices I made leading up to my pregnancy or the fact that he had "no signs of life" inside of me.  This was such a learning time for me... I learned some hard truths of life.  The one thing that I found out was that all I had was God and my family.  We found out that I suffer from a condition making it hard for me to carry full term and could make me infertile.  Out of this I met the love of my life!!!  Cory made me see truth in this situation (that my parents had been screaming at me) that I am still lovable and worthy of love because of Christ Jesus!!  I have later learned not to hold this in because there are others who need to know that they are not alone and they are not horrible people because of a sin choice.  I am the woman I am today because of this experience, I am a loving mother, a forgiven woman, and have the opportunity to work with other women daily who need me as much as I need them.

Early in our marriage we suffered a miscarriage, we had just found out and lost within 2 days.   Then came G man!!  I think he was just out to prove a point because I carried him for 42 long sick weeks!! I was -33 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight the day I went in to have this 8lb 4oz and 22 in baby!!!!  (I am very short so this is an accomplishment in itself!!!)  I knew the moment I saw him that I was given a gift!!

When G man was almost 2 we tried for 3 months (which seemed like an eternity) to become pregnant.  I found out just in time to tell my family for Christmas!!!  I left school for Christmas break so excited and when I returned I had 3rd graders asking me if I had the baby over break... oh if it were that simple!!   I was only at school for a short week when everything fell apart!  I was put on bed rest and was unable to hold G man!!  I was losing a lot of blood and we weren't sure why.  At 18 weeks (14 of that on bed rest) I went into premature labor and delivered a beautiful baby boy with the aid of my Mom.  I had my aunt in the other room (more like a closet) praying and crying over me and this baby, a distraught husband on his way, and many many more pacing in the waiting area.  My mom got to look at this perfect child before the doctor had to take him and find out what in the world had happened.  I lost again because of my condition, a cyst was in my uterus and when it ruptured it forced me into labor.  G man named this child Russ!

After all of this we were settled in our dream of adopting.  We had talked and talked about adoption and I was done trying to have another child.  So I started looking into all the different routes we could go and we began to pray over the different agencies.  (Adoption is very expensive)  I had a dear friend come down and tell me about her amazing adoption story and the cutie that was added to their family! Well during this time I know God was just cracking himself up because I was pregnant and had no idea!!  I was almost 5 months pregnant when we found out!!!  My Dr. (a very wonderful God fearing man) was bursting to tell me the news!!!  He was the same Dr. who had delivered Russ and helped me through that difficult time.  We were so excited!!  I was nervous and worried and my Dr. put me as a high risk pregnancy so I got to see him a lot during Little Miss' pregnancy.  I had to have her early because of complications at 36 weeks.  She was 5lb 14oz. and 17in long.  She had quite a few health issues following her birth but I am proud to say she is 1 yr old, finally made it on the growth charts, and hasn't had a breathing treatment in 2 months!!!

We are aware that these sweet babies are gifts and I am so proud that God chose me to be their mommy!!