Unexpected Feelings

Let me start with the past.  When I was first talked to about Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) was by my cousin who had just been diagnosed with it.  It broke my heart for her.  Within the year I had the same diagnoses.  I was told that I would become infertile and that carrying a pregnancy to full term would be very difficult.  As I have discussed in many past posts G man was born at 42 weeks by the grace of God and then Little miss at what we thought was 36 weeks but after delivery she appeared to only be about 32 weeks developed.  (My doctor had a hard time pinning down a due date for her due to a lot of circumstances.)  We had also experienced loss.  Three precious boys that I was unable to carry to full term due to the PCOS.

I say all that to let you know that our hearts have been given a desire for adoption since early in our marriage.  We just didn't know God's timing or the ins and outs of how He would have us to adopt since there are so many different options.  We began the adoption process in late 2013.  Going into this process we had two specific children in mind but after some visitations we had to make some hard decisions for everyone involved.  We then were matched with another case worker and had to redo some of our paperwork.  Feeling beaten down by this long process we had given up.  I wasn't upset.  I felt at peace with this.  It made sense after all that we had been through the past 7 months and the roller coaster of emotions we had experienced as a family.  Maybe we needed to think through some options.  I wasn't infertile yet.  So I made an appointment and it was time for us to try and have a baby again.

Since our move (3 years ago) I hadn't found a doctor I liked.  I made an appointment that I wasn't excited about.  She was amazing!  She explained PCOS in great detail.  She ordered labs and then explained every bit of them to me the next week.  That is when it happened.  She told me that I was infertile.  Surprisingly enough I didn't cry.  I didn't get mad.  I listened to her and with hope in my voice I asked what the next step was.  After being told that I had to get serious about weight loss and that maybe my last chance to balance my hormones out she gave me 18 months of waiting before we will do the lab work again and re-check.  Now although I am saddened that we are having to wait longer than I planned we are happy that God still has a plan for us.  We are still trying to seek out what that plan is.  Adoption is heavy on our hearts and sometimes aches for it but for now we are prayerfully waiting for God's timing.

Whats in a name?

The other day I  had someone harmlessly laugh at me for "coding" my kid's names on social media.  The light humor was as if I was crazy to think that anything bad could ever happen to them.  I mean who are we?  We aren't famous or important in any one's eyes but the Lord's.  While I understand the thought behind this I am not willing to risk their safety to test it.   I have not always felt this way.  I was the mom who posted a photo every day to social media!  I sometimes would even tell where we were!  Once convicted of needing to keep their lives, images, and info more private I took a couple of steps.

1. I went through my friends list.  If I hadn't seen/talked to them in the last 2 years I un-friended them.  I of course left family and some out of state friends on the list.  
2. Next I changed all the privacy settings on the albums that were older then the current year.  I changed them all to only be visible by me.  
3. This step took the longest.  I left quite a few people on my friends list that are work related or from some other faucet of life that I didn't feel like needed to know much about my family.  I set each of them as an Acquaintance.  Facebook then has options with each post that you can make visible to Public, Me only, Friends, or Friends except Acquaintances.  When I post about my family I make sure I set to Friends except Acquaintances.
4. Then I had to stop typing out locations and names!  I started referring to my children as I do in my blog as G man and Little miss.  I no longer post from my cell phone so that FB doesn't automatically show my location.

Why do I do this?  What started this "paranoia?"  I am a frugal Mama and I buy, sell, and trade my kids clothes on-line with other Mamas.  I normally post on the boards a picture of the outfit hanging on a hanger and a picture of the outfit on my child.  After I sell or trade the outfit and have shipped it I delete the photos.  A couple days later I am looking through the Facebook Group for some clothes for Little Miss and I see her picture up.  I notice that It is not me who is listing it!!!!  The mama's ad is saying that she is in search of this outfit.  I commented to her that this picture is of my child and she needs to remove it and delete it from her computer immediately!  She did and apologized and I gave her the picture of the outfit with out Little Miss in it to use.  That scared me!  It is so easy for someone to see a picture you post and download it to their computer or save in on their phone and then you no longer have control over where it goes or who sees it.  I was pretty rattled and I knew then I had to take some steps to prevent this.

I know there are still some that may think I am crazy and I will still see pictures of their kiddos with full names in the description.  My hope is that my mistakes of letting her picture be taken (although somewhat harmlessly) by someone off of my Facebook will be that you don't let the same happen to your child.  You never know who is taking it or what they are doing with it.  Please be careful.  I hate to be so glum but there are people in this world that view others as property and with all the pornography and human trafficking in our world today it is our job as parents to keep them safe.  Safety on-line is just as important as their physical safety.   

So if I refer to your kiddo by an initial in a comment or just by an attribute (pretty girl or handsome boy) don't be offended I haven't forgotten their name but I feel as convicted to help you in this fight as I do for my own children.  

Behold, children are a gift of the Lord,

The fruit of the womb is a reward.

Psalms 127:3

The woman that made me cry.

There are times in our lives that we hear stories, even true events from the Bible, and we don't think twice about them.  They are truth.  I have read and heard them most of my life.  The different events seem small and some so insignificant compared to the bigger picture.  But now... as a mom some of those "small" events have so much more sacrifice and meaning.

I was sitting in an AWANA story time for K-2nd grade; mostly just watching to make sure they are paying attention to teaching.  Then I heard it.  The leader said the most simple words but yet it cut to my very being.  "Do you remember Moses?  Remember how his mom had to wrap him up and put him in a basket in the river?"  Wow.  I have read over that 2nd passage in Exodus numerous times.  I love the story of the man that was Moses.  The first record of an adoption.  The one who led the Israelite people to freedom.  The one who spoke to a burning bush.  But I never thought twice about the woman who had to wrap her baby up, coated the basket with tar and pitch so that it wouldn't sink, and placed him in the river along the bank.  That is it 4 short verses.

Instead of bringing harm to him she hid him for the first 3 months and then put him in a basket in the Nile.  First of all I think about how loud they cried and how much they needed the first 3 months.  How could you have hid that?  But yet for the safety of her baby's life she made sure to meet his needs before he cried out too loudly.  The constant needing of milk, love, sleep, and what about a sickness?  I remember about how much they needed me during this early time of their life.  God provided! He helped her to help baby Moses so that he could be hidden.

Next, she took so much care with the basket.  She made sure it was perfect to keep him safe and comfortable. She did this all while knowing she had to place him in it possibly to never see him again.  The thought of separation from the blessings God has given me is too heavy for my heart to handle.  She did it.  The 4 short verses don't say she doubted.  They don't say she argued with what was needing to happen.  They simply say she did these things.  God blessed her after when Pharaoh's daughter found Moses and she needed a Hebrew woman (Moses' mother) to nurse him. I can't help but cry for that mother.  I know there are times I wonder why? Why have you called me to this God?  Why must I sacrifice in this way God?  Sometimes it isn't a why but a flat no!  (God is always ready for my hard headed stubborn behavior and He takes care of that.)  It is my hard headed behavior that is floored by the 4 short verses and the fact that she did it.  She gave up that helpless baby.  Not only gave him up but she put him in a basket in the river!  Am I the only one or does this sound crazy!  God had a plan... and it was huge!  This baby that was hidden for 3 months, place in the river, adopted by Pharaoh's daughter, he became the one God used to free the Israelites from slavery.

Isn't this true in our lives?  Doesn't God have a plan for us?  It will be huge.  God can use you to start a church, lead a church, help out, bring a smile to someone who needs it, or just be there for someone else.  It will be huge!  You may not know it now but He does and He can't wait!

Debt so far... is being caged!

Well we started our debt snowball as I had mentioned in my earlier post here.  We have cut out a lot of unnecessary spending and have written and rewritten our monthly budgets over and over so that we cut out exactly what we needed to.

I have had a metal bird cage as decoration since our wedding 8.5 years ago.  During our wedding our guests put their cards in it at the gift table and it had tulle and a small metal sign that said 'Just Married' on it.  I then used it as decor in our home in many different ways.  When Little Miss was born we filled it with felt owls that a friend had made as shower decorations and used it in her bedroom.  As the kids have gotten a little older the decorations of their rooms have changed, which means that the cage had no purpose.  So now we are CAGING our debt!  We keep our budget and different accounts on paper in a binder (tithe, allowance, different bills, etc each get their own page and we keep a record of how much $ is credit or debited out of it.)  As we have paid off a debt we tear that paper out of the binder, crumple it up, and toss it in the bird cage!  

We are now have 4 crumpled papers in the cage.  One of them was our hospital bill for Little Miss.  She was born early and spent a week in the hospital as did I.  This bill took us 3 years to pay off!!  Success finally came and to celebrate we let her toss that paper in.

Then we had another one paid off and so it only seemed right to let G Man do the honors!!

We are slowly making our way to being debt free!  The lifestyle we are leading is not a normal or even understandable one for many people.  But the stress of "making ends meet" has already been lifted with just 4 small debts out of the way and we are now on our way to some bigger debts and getting them out of the way!  We live on a tiny monthly amount compared to what we were but it IS TEMPORARY and will prayerfully be free from the bondage of debt by the summer of 2015!!  We would covet your prayers for the sell of our vehicle and camper as that will put us one GIANT step closer to being debt free by our goal.  Thanks!

30th Birthday Celebration

My husbands 30th birthday was last month and I had a blast getting together with family and friends to celebrate his life.  I created a slideshow in Google Drive that was showing throughout the party and then decorated using things we found in the front yard!  (Sticks, dirt, pine cones, etc.) My sweet friend let me borrow her burlap and mason jars to create the perfect masculine decor.  I love this man with every part of my heart!!  I also love doing big parties (even though I stress myself out and my mother too!) so to show him how much I love love love him I wanted to put this together so he could spend this important day with people that care for him!

We had some yummy food thanks to my Mama and brother.  BBQ sandwiches and a nacho bar!

The birthday boy with his desserts!

My sweet Mama made his favorite dessert PIE!!  Even better she made mini pies!

Table center piece!

Couldn't resist!